If ever I do stand up comedy, this is what the first bit will sound like...its a drive-by shooting of my life. (I also plan to turn this into a song.)
Band camp boy meets band camp girl, well not really, it was creative writing camp, but the band kids were cooler. Girl pre-pubescent, guy not really interested, go home for summer.
Band camp girl and band camp boy meet next summer at drama camp again. Wait, creative writing, yeah, that's it. Band camp girl clearly hit puberty, has large breasts, band camp boy wants to get on that. First sexual experience, he gets poison ivy, she does not.
Girl goes home, first relationship a long distance one, goes to his grad (she's only six years younger than him) Five days of bliss and drugs and rock and roll (and part of every day). He slips her acid, she would have said yes anyways, wakes up on dead author's grave, runs down hill in bare feet, steps on nesting live duck. Ducks have teeth, duck chases band camp girl, no where to go but water, water pacifies duck. QUACK.
Girl discovers band camp guy sociopath, when he phones from the 'hospital' and she wonders why there are people screaming in the background. Girl meets guy at Halloween party, dumps crazy sociopath, and gets married years later. Has many missed opportunities in university, and regrets not taking them at the time.
Girl leaves guy years later by taking his advice 'the only way I'll never take you back is if you sleep with someone else.' So she does, it was someone she worked with, at an undisclosed location.
Band camp girl wants to move on, leaves guy from work, moves in with new roommate who conveniently has the same name as ex-husband. Girl learns at summer job that ex-husband and band camp guy 'hooked' up and certain things make much more sense now.
Band camp girl takes job at local newspaper, working with roommate, and meets people who used to work there too. Has party one night, discovers band camp guy lived in newspaper office after getting kicked out of residence for stalking someone. . . GUESS WHOOOOO!!!!
Girl driving around downtown, past cemetery with creepy security guy with large flashlight, and wonders who the fuck does that job?
Turns out it's Band camp guy. And so the story goes, that if one day you decide to let someone on an acid trip end up on a grave, years later you will end up as a guard at the local cemetery. On her end, you end up sleeping at the newspaper office yourself in the same room as he did years later, and wonder if his spirit is still in the building.
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