the one where i sound all cheesey

I like random. I am random and eccentric, and those little hints that make me realize someone else is paying attention to me. Singers are notoriously self centered, and I am no different. I spend a lot of time wondering if I am ready for another relationship, or if I am just meant to be single. Certainly there have been people interested, all of whom I have turned down. I'm not waiting for the perfect person, I'm just waiting for someone to make the first move. 

That first move is the part I'm not good at. That and perhaps part of me is old-fashioned enough to want to be courted and lusted after from afar. Only for a while. As much as I love the chase, I miss having the companionship. 

(Uncle Bill, you can laugh now. Didn't know I was so romantic did ya? Thought I was all cynical and snide??)

There are certain things in life that I enjoy. The cup of coffee in the morning while I read the news, being curled up under many blankets while watching a movie. Roses. I used to have a garden of 23 different roses most of which were developed at the Morden experimental farms. 

Sometimes I wonder if being married and getting divorced has made me 'damaged goods'. Someone once told me that I was. I would like to think I've come a long way in the last seven years. I'm much different now than I was then. I have gained back the personality that was lost. I am screamingly independant and willing to stand up for myself. I am finally finding once again the reason I love music and I am my own person. 

While I may talk a lot and tell a lot of stories, those who are closest to me know that I am also good at listening. I am incredibly patient and kind hearted. I can give all of myself to someone and be willing to risk that they won't give it all back. I am not an idealist, I am just a real person. Honesty is not my best quality, but it is my best fault. Lately I find myself wanting more and more of someone's time. Someone in particular. I kinda wish that someone would just jump in with both feet and throw caution to the wind, because that is what I am willing to do.

You know for anyone reading this, it must seem like I am playing some giant game. I kind of am. Yet, somewhere inside me, I want the other person to make the first move, but also to know that I want him to. So I do weird things like this. Maybe that makes me self-centered and eccentric, but it doesn't matter. I think I'm a good person to take a risk on.

So world, here I come, I am finally okay enough to be with someone else. No longer am I hidden and scarred. I have grown from all this and still want to be part of this world. While I spend my days hidden in a pile of books, writing, reading and composing, I am ready to make the time for someone else. 

Part of me just needs someone else to help keep me on track. I'm all about the being rewarded for good behaviour.