I would rather have a broken heart, be angry, or sad and lonely. I do not, in fact, mind being any of these thing, but I dislike stress.
I do not know how to deal with high stress. It causes me to turn to various crutches and bad habits instead of deal with the underlying issue, no matter how simple or straighforward it may seem to others.
Do I have time for a 'romantic' life? Hell no. Do I even have time most days for a casual relationship? No a chance. Am I seeing someone now you may wonder. . . why yes. Not that often. His name is Chris, I used to work with him. He is not fictional, as many of you have suggested, but seriously, when would the rest of you ever get to see him with me? I see him at the times when normal people are sleeping because those are the only free spots I have left.
Why am I not sleeping. I'm a huge insomniac.
I am writing this blog because I am stressed. I am writing compuslively so that I can somehow expell the stress deamon. It is not working. I am so tired and stressed I have no coping mechanisms left.
As many of you know, I do many things. As part of this rant I am going to explain Monday through Friday to you.
Monday - up by 8 at The Quill by 9, class at 1030, get mail on way to class, back to quill at 1130, to studio at 12 to practice, rehersal at 1240, class at 140, back to quill at 3, work at coffee shop at 9, hope its not busy so i can get some reading done, walk home around 915. Do home work/write music until I fall asleep in a pile of books.
Tuesday up at 8 quill by nine, quill all day, tutoring occassionally, come home for super at 6 maybe, if not busy, class at seven, walk home after 10 when class is done. Do home work/write music until i fall asleep in a pile of books. Side note, History Club is at 1240. It is the one thing I do that is 'social' and that I enjoy. It makes me sad I can never go see the movies. :(.
Wednesday - up at 8 to quill by 9, class at 1030, get mail on way to class, back to quill at 1130, read case for class, work at quill, class at 140, back to quill at 3, work at coffee shop at 4 walk home at 915, Do home work/wirte music until I fall asleep in a pile of books.
Thursday - up at 8, to quill by 9, work at quill in am, class at 130, back to quill at 430, meeting and or production day, class at 6, back to quill at 9, if production. Home sometimes by 11, usually much later, aka 3am or so. Do home work/write music until I fall asleep in a pile of books.
Friday - up at 8 to quill by 9, class at 1030, back to quill at 1130, studio at 1230, tutor at 100, rehersal at 240, back to quill at 340, meeting/end day. go home by 6, probably for get to get stuff off the S drive at school, walk back to school, go to library, get books for whatever i need at the time, come back home. Drink. Read/do home work/write music until I fall asleep in a pile of books.
Sat/Sunday - attempt to sleep. Do all homework, mark for course if necessary. If marking for course, allocate at least 25 hours on the weekend to do so.
Is there a solution to this? Why do I do it?
I will explain the latter first. I do so many things because I cannot shut my brain off. I might as well be doing something useful. Is that a cop out yes. Am I a horribly flawed person, yes. Those of you who know anything about my past may have ideas why. Keep them to yourself.
Is there a solution?
Not one that I am willing to deal with right now.
Guess I stay stressed for now. Eventually it will even out. Karma loves me.
I think I'm a little glad I didn't live you during school. My care-free happy-drunk lifestyle probably would have interrupted your heavy-studying no-sleeping schedule.
ReplyDeleteAlso:
"His name is Chris, I used to work with him. He is not fictional, as many of you have suggested..."
I may have met him, but I'm still pretty sure he's fictional.
Sadly, while he was not a figment of my imagination, he no longer exists, at least in my nights :(.
ReplyDeleteOh, and he was not the one that you 'met' your friend that night was frickn awesome though :P.