I am not

I am not.

Not a girl

Not a woman, not a man

Not the abuse victim,

Not the abuser

I am Human

Living, Breathing, Walking, Being

Human

Loss Limitless

Loss Limitless

Broken pieces of human lore
Facing each day with memories
Once close - within my arms
Ripped out and burried.

Stripped to innocence
Immaculate yet unclean
Underneath your grasp

Spiraling candent angels
Screaming with lifeless children in their arms
Scratching at the walls -
Clawing at your coat tails
Justification?

Motionless in motion
Carried each day
Backlash and pride
All suffered
Human at last.

Haven't written for a while, here's some poems.

The world spins apart when I look in your eyes.

My mind falls away and you leave me behind.

Every night I see you, I run away.

Every time I leave you, I wish I had stayed.

Much more than that, I wish we had played.

Dream big my friend and you will lose me

Dream in tiny bursts and you might stand me

The freedom I seek can’t live beside you

The love I shy from is coming from you.

Find me alone and you get nothing but walls,

Discover my pain and those walls will rebuild

Enter my fortress and you’re never coming back

Stand at the door and I won’t let you look back

You tear my apart when you smile down at me

I can’t seem to speak the words that I long each day to say

I’m more frightened of love than I am rejection

Weird Foods

Having not blogged for a while, since there was little time in general, and a lack of interesting things to say...here goes.

I do not normally have a weird penchant for strange foods. I am kinda a plain person when it comes to that. I don't even get cravings all that often. If I do, they're not hard core, and most often its a Whopper, cuz everyone misses the smell of that after working at BK for 5 years plus (not. ick. sick.)

The last few days however, I've had a desire and craving specifically for strange foods.

Meal number one: Stir fry... on its own not weird. put some tofu in it, every green veggie i could find, mushrooms...and MANGOS. Delicious. The sauce was teryaki and ranch salad dressing mixed together.

Rice noodles with spinich (hot and boiled together) Served with Balsalmic Vinegrette dressing cold. Interesting, not bad.

So far, these are not so weird. It gets better.

Kraft dinner, with black olives and bbq sauce, and lots of pepper. I love pepper. (I specifically craved all of those things mixed together btw.)

Latest meal: Fried eggs, becuase I failed at hard boiling them. (they cracked) mixed with mayo paprika and salt and pepper....and Strawberry Banana yogurt.

Now then, I think I'll go try pickles in pasta.

A whack of lyrics

Okay, so the past few weeks have resulted in a plethora of many, many lyrics. Partly due to stress, and also, its a great way to wind down after a long day. As well, in those manic phases of writing, the obviously tends to be a lot. :P.


Lets start cheesy.
I don't know how to break your heart, you mean so much to me. I'm not sure why you're still here after all this time. I hope you hear these words years from now and know how much you meant to me, because I know it will never be the same again.

My beer is salty and I can't stop sobbing. Breaking your soul has broken my mind. I miss you already and you're not even gone. I can't see the walls with out you on them and it hurts me deep down inside.

This cheesy kitsch love song makes me thing of all those times with you when we were making fun of everyone else. Now i've realized that you are better than any love song could ever be and more reliable than any lover i've ever had.

I am not that nice person you make me out to be, and I am broken and don't know how to fix me. You make me feel like its okay that i'm broken, and you make me hate myself the other half of the time. I still love you for being my friend, and I want you back.

This manic-depressive world you make me live in has gone to hell.

Next song is about creepy band camp guy 2.

I lied. but its still worth reading. (even if its not a band camp guy song)

Mo anam cara

What once was loved, now lost and still lingers.

The anger and the bitterness lull away

Beauty and vivid snapshots remain

Once loved and never forgotten, another day 

passes. my soul lists away. (clearly the chorus)

Morbid longevity, lonely pillows and too soft sheets.

Empty hear and swallowed up mind

remaining for another to find.

Knowing that kindness, reliving that touch.

Constant squalloring and searching for another 

to fill this heartless void.

Once loved, always remembered. Once given 

looks away. Once kissed never repaired

once soul bound dead.

Standard

The good...sharing words of wisdom, lost in your energy. Beauty in sleep. Languishing hours in footed tubs. Streams of hair gently blowing. Holding your hand for no reason. Knowing that you cared as much as you could.

Dark twisted dreams, angels with dead babies, a foretelling of the future. Deceit, fowl and anger. Leave me to another who would do even worse.

Was there good? Was nothing better? Self delusion and denial. Trying to meet unrelenting ever changing standards. 

Quickly dying inside only to be reborn a painful youthful awkward death. Emotions walled off and untapped - now untrained and un-conforming.

The treasure hunt along this path. Filled with little tricks, loneliness and hidden resent. Crying for someone to wake up to and run away with. Some days, the truck calls out California, but the gas just isn't enough.

The Great Portender

Jealous, hateful eyes. Disappointed

mourning over something never truly held.

a closed door means so much more. Not everything about me,  but everything 

you do affecting me.

Are you listening to my eyes? Can you see me

one heart? Binding words frighten you away and spiteful games make me wait for

you behind a closed door that means little more.

I love you, but not in essence. I abhor you 

and your presence and respect your boundaries, but 

I am me and I'm not you.l I am 

Soulful and ever giving and open.

Don't want your touch, embrace or kisses.

Can't be that ideal woman. want your eyes

forgiven, need your heart in one full piece.

If you understand how you can hurt me, 

why do you keep on doing it again?

Something somehow, you once was

Something jealous, something hateful. Something 

confused and something spiteful. Number one you will always

somehow be.

Somehow forlorn, somehow longing, somehow

sorrowful and somehow spawning. Number two I 

need you now.

You were abusive, you were reclusive, you were

resentful and you were baseless.

Minus one you broke me up.

Once sweet, once deceitful, once the jokester

and once spriteful. My first you were

memorable.

Was I sinful? Was I honest? Was I both

and was that upon us? Left with only myself I turn the light out. 

Some say soon I will forget my promise.

Foretell my lies

Timing is off, my warp drive is sound

Revealing your inner Vulcan

Superseding my lines.

You anticipate, recreate and correct my 

minds. You singulate, co-ordinate 

and foretell my lies.

Attraction is three-fold, my tries are not in vain,

yet never do you 

submit. My cries of furry remain

Knowledge of culmination one day in

the future. Willingness to be all that

you wanted and still myself.

questioning your motives, manipulations 

and eyes. Disregarding for the first time

logic and prospering in the beauty of your

illogical mind.

Give comments, smile, make other people happy :)

The ultimate question

This blog may go no further than a simple question. I require feedback.
Do I have to choose between love and a relationship and school?
Here is the background information you need to know to answer properly this stupid question.
I am a difficult person to live with and be with, I'd say at times, but realistically, most of the time I am difficult. I am moody, and excitable, and sometimes loud. I am creative, and I don't sleep a lot, and I tend to come and go as I please. Having said that, the coming and going is mostly because there is no one to keep me in bed.
I am a creative person, and sometimes this means questionable behaviour. I make no appologies, and I like to experiment with various organic substances. I have weird thought patterns, and do not understand people.
I may never have children of my own. I want children someday. I want to adopt. Thus, in my 29 years of wisdom, I am not averse, or opposed to the idea of raising someone else's children or child as my own. I know even saying that is out there, but I do believe that children should have love and support. I have that to give, even in a 'non-traditional' situation. I have a huge heart.
Sometimes, I require protection from myself. My good friends know this. I have close friendships that mirror relationships without sex. They mean a lot to me, and I will always have them. This does not mean that I am incapable of having a relationship with someone else. Those people are protective of me, and they will always be wary of new 'men' in my life.

Enough about me personally.

Academically, I am smart, I know I am good enough to do grad school and get a PhD. I am transient by nature, and like to travel. I do not put down roots, and I get very wrapped up in learning and studying. So wrapped up that the entire rest of the world does not matter at times.

So given all that; Is it possible to have both? Do I have to choose?

If ever I did stand up comedy

If ever I do stand up comedy, this is what the first bit will sound like...its a drive-by shooting of my life. (I also plan to turn this into a song.)

Band camp boy meets band camp girl, well not really, it was creative writing camp, but the band kids were cooler. Girl pre-pubescent, guy not really interested, go home for summer.
Band camp girl and band camp boy meet next summer at drama camp again. Wait, creative writing, yeah, that's it. Band camp girl clearly hit puberty, has large breasts, band camp boy wants to get on that. First sexual experience, he gets poison ivy, she does not.
Girl goes home, first relationship a long distance one, goes to his grad (she's only six years younger than him) Five days of bliss and drugs and rock and roll (and part of every day). He slips her acid, she would have said yes anyways, wakes up on dead author's grave, runs down hill in bare feet, steps on nesting live duck. Ducks have teeth, duck chases band camp girl, no where to go but water, water pacifies duck. QUACK.
Girl discovers band camp guy sociopath, when he phones from the 'hospital' and she wonders why there are people screaming in the background. Girl meets guy at Halloween party, dumps crazy sociopath, and gets married years later. Has many missed opportunities in university, and regrets not taking them at the time.
Girl leaves guy years later by taking his advice 'the only way I'll never take you back is if you sleep with someone else.' So she does, it was someone she worked with, at an undisclosed location.
Band camp girl wants to move on, leaves guy from work, moves in with new roommate who conveniently has the same name as ex-husband. Girl learns at summer job that ex-husband and band camp guy 'hooked' up and certain things make much more sense now.
Band camp girl takes job at local newspaper, working with roommate, and meets people who used to work there too. Has party one night, discovers band camp guy lived in newspaper office after getting kicked out of residence for stalking someone. . . GUESS WHOOOOO!!!!
Girl driving around downtown, past cemetery with creepy security guy with large flashlight, and wonders who the fuck does that job?
Turns out it's Band camp guy. And so the story goes, that if one day you decide to let someone on an acid trip end up on a grave, years later you will end up as a guard at the local cemetery. On her end, you end up sleeping at the newspaper office yourself in the same room as he did years later, and wonder if his spirit is still in the building.

Slow

Blowing Kisses down the jet stream
Loveless nights and lonely moats
Phallic exploits and streaming polariods

Blankets woe and ceiling dreams
All woken down and plywood teams

That is the beginning of another strange yet wonderful song. Has an intrinsically folk feel to it, and probably just a guitar.

Other random thoughts and reminders.
- must write review for Georddie...failing on this one
- must finish essay, however, might want extension
- i am slow, and require blunt force trauma to make me clue into things sometimes

pod cast of beer/wings night out. good idea. someone do this.

Not good with, for, or by the people

I had an epiphany.

I am not good with people. I should be locked in a room only allowed to have books, and in true medieval style, someone should shove me food through a hole in the wall. I do, however, require modern plumbing.

So, I've figured out that I am not mildly intellectual, but I am so aggressively intellectual that I am not good with people. I am that person who other people look and and think "wow, she's really weird, and kinda strange." I'm okay with this, but I'm still human. I like the occasional contact with humans, and unfortunately I have not given up on the idea of meeting someone just as off-kilter as I am to share my life with.

Part of my life. No one will ever get it all. While at times I am social and out-going, much more I am the recluse and anti-social maniac in their room writing. So, as a result, I'm a disaster at inter-personal relationships, taking hints, and knowing when to shut up. I do things out of character, and appear to be fucking crazy most of the time.

So I did this facebook quiz... I know kinda lame. "Are you a playah or a lovah." Turns out I sit on the fence. Sounds a lot like me. I would also admit to being willing to jump to either side as long as I can get back on as soon as I want.

So, after a string of strange experiences, and the odd realization that it doesn't matter what you say when you're an intellectual, you can get away with it. I have decided that I should come with a roll of masking tape. Masking tape and condoms. The masking tape is for my mouth.

Sorrow and Awe

Yawning perpetually at the world,

both in sorrow and in awe

Seeking lies to cover up and truths to under veil

Dreaming in a distance, in an eclipse and within the mile

Sighing under moons and dancing under the sun

Yawning perpetually at the world, 

both in sorrow and in awe

Climbing in the sea and scaling oceans wide

Crossing prairie skies with little more than clouds for gas

Lazing in an office requiring more from the outside

Yawning perpetually at the world, 

both in sorrow and in awe

Painting a hyperbolic picture both with intent and schism in mind

Requiring less from with in and leaning backwards through time

Rising with a wave and wind to push beyond

Yawning perpetually at the world, 

hoping one day awe will inspire more than sorrow.

Sky by Sky

Blowing kisses down the jet stream

Reaching spirits sky by sky

Obscene lights and dismal grays

Juxtaposed by windmills and fleeting dreams

Blow me kisses and sing me dreams

Take me on a serendipitous journey down the jet stream

A top a lined mirage, sentinel to mounds

Fuming beams of the sun call him o'er to me

Dreams of days not yet begun and fallacies revealed

Pick me up from pieces lost.

Blow me kisses and sing me dreams

Take me on a serendipitous journey down the jet stream

Know me for him and I for you

Let my soul stream widely on a path unbequethed

Blow me kisses and sing me dreams

Take me on a serendipitous journey down the jet stream

Blow me kisses down the jet stream and let me die with thee.

Some notes

If you read it and hear screamingly country the first time, all is not lost. (Sorry Jake)

Its rather ironically upbeat and bluesy all at the same time. Like I think I am happy at the prospect of dying somewhere on the jet stream someday, especially if someone is blowing me kisses.

Oh how I can wish....

Note, the nerd in me used some older english :D, and also a reference to Don Quixote...and Serendipitous is the best word ever, and the fact that it works rhythmically is ever more better :D. Oh and secret hint at a location of a mound...

The inspiration for this came from a conversation I had...now, having said that, I took it totally (well partially) out of context, and made it into this. That's how I roll, there are just these phrases that pop out at me occasionally, and this is what I turn them into. I can't even explain how I know when i hear/read them. They just sing on the page or in the air. . . 

Incongruencies

So I'm thinking about using this as a way to foster my growth of lyrics. Those things that are written down all over the place, not yet set to music, but need to be somewhere, maybe I'll put them here.

For every great one there are at least 50 crappy ones. The real gems happen only once or twice, and for me seem to happen all in a row and then nothing for ages.

Blowing kisses down the jet stream . . . that one was fantastic. It will probably be the first one that I put up here. While it may sound kinda country, its not, has a more soothing tone than that. 

Also, for the first time ever, I hit spell check and it said no misspellings found! Go ME!

So if you're interested in the lyrics, let me know and I'll put some of them up. I think I'll start with the ones that I think are less appealing, and you can tell me how you feel about them.

I pay little heedence to nasty remarks, but put much more weight in the opinions of my friends.

the one where i sound all cheesey

I like random. I am random and eccentric, and those little hints that make me realize someone else is paying attention to me. Singers are notoriously self centered, and I am no different. I spend a lot of time wondering if I am ready for another relationship, or if I am just meant to be single. Certainly there have been people interested, all of whom I have turned down. I'm not waiting for the perfect person, I'm just waiting for someone to make the first move. 

That first move is the part I'm not good at. That and perhaps part of me is old-fashioned enough to want to be courted and lusted after from afar. Only for a while. As much as I love the chase, I miss having the companionship. 

(Uncle Bill, you can laugh now. Didn't know I was so romantic did ya? Thought I was all cynical and snide??)

There are certain things in life that I enjoy. The cup of coffee in the morning while I read the news, being curled up under many blankets while watching a movie. Roses. I used to have a garden of 23 different roses most of which were developed at the Morden experimental farms. 

Sometimes I wonder if being married and getting divorced has made me 'damaged goods'. Someone once told me that I was. I would like to think I've come a long way in the last seven years. I'm much different now than I was then. I have gained back the personality that was lost. I am screamingly independant and willing to stand up for myself. I am finally finding once again the reason I love music and I am my own person. 

While I may talk a lot and tell a lot of stories, those who are closest to me know that I am also good at listening. I am incredibly patient and kind hearted. I can give all of myself to someone and be willing to risk that they won't give it all back. I am not an idealist, I am just a real person. Honesty is not my best quality, but it is my best fault. Lately I find myself wanting more and more of someone's time. Someone in particular. I kinda wish that someone would just jump in with both feet and throw caution to the wind, because that is what I am willing to do.

You know for anyone reading this, it must seem like I am playing some giant game. I kind of am. Yet, somewhere inside me, I want the other person to make the first move, but also to know that I want him to. So I do weird things like this. Maybe that makes me self-centered and eccentric, but it doesn't matter. I think I'm a good person to take a risk on.

So world, here I come, I am finally okay enough to be with someone else. No longer am I hidden and scarred. I have grown from all this and still want to be part of this world. While I spend my days hidden in a pile of books, writing, reading and composing, I am ready to make the time for someone else. 

Part of me just needs someone else to help keep me on track. I'm all about the being rewarded for good behaviour. 

This is a blog about my horrible week

So, I'm looking to get lost. Please leave your ideas after the post...

Here is why. 

Someone who I thought would be supportive isn't. Someone who I thought would not be supportive turned out to be nice, and supportive, and just a wonderful person in general. They also turned out to know a lot more about me than I thought. Why does this make me want to get lost. Mostly because while I'd like to think I know the people who I let get close to me, I really don't. Also, because even if i am wrong, I thought that person would support me no matter what, and instead they think I should stifle myself and become exactly what the person who started this whole mess wants me to be. 

I will not become that woman who does whatever her boss tells her, tries to please men in authority, and in general is under someone else's thumb. Remarks made about shutting up becuase you're female are wrong. I don't care who says them. Insert anything else in there and there would be a lawsuit. "Shut up becuase you're gay." See what I mean?

Maybe I'm just a weak person. I didn't say anything at the time. I slipped back into that person who said yes and did what they were told for seven years. God, then I make bad jokes and make myself sound cynical and thats really not who I am, even if I do sound sarcastic a lot of the time. 

I'm trying to quit a job, or a class, but the class isn't really an option. If I quit the class, I'll have to take extra next year. Extra as in more than a full course load. Since it got the best of me last year, I won't be repeating that again. So, I'm trying to quit a job. Lets see, well, I can't quit anything that pays me becuase unfortunately I need somewhere to live. So, I can't quit the quill, the coffee shop, the marking, or the tutoring. What do I do besides that, history club, and collegium, and Liberal stuff sometimes.

How did this all work out for me this week? Well, there was the history club thing with the performance by collegium, and the liberal agm which turned into becoming a delegate at the other agm in winnipeg in two weeks. So those things that I do for fun, that I don't want to cut, those are them. Those are the things I do to keep myself sane. So in an effort to not go anymore insane, I will be keeping those ones.

Ever feel like there's a downward spiral going on that you are completely either oblivious to, or can't stop? Thats how I feel. I'm lonely, tired, getting old, and doing too many thing, and not doing the ones I want to be doing.

So I'm getting lost. I'm going to become a monk, or a hermit, and find some hobbit hole to live in and do what I want to do. There is something magically serene about the idea of being a monk and devoting time to academic stuff. The whole accepting god part, not so much. I think I'll found an order of secular monks.

How to cure writers block

In a pursuit to cure writers block, I am going to blog. You might think, but its a blog, how will you write? But A HAH good sir, (45 second lapse in typing) perhaps it is an audio blog, or a musical blog, or better yet, a gateway to my mind, spewed forth onto the annals of the internets.

Crazy, yes. (another lapse in typing). However, I believe that this writers block is not of written nature, and is more of a thinking block. The words of academia elude me, I cannot start another essay due party to brain fatigue from reading books and primary sources, but also due to a general dissatisfication (that is not a word, but it is now) with the idea of writing two essays on my birthday. Clearly, tomorrow is my birthday, and in all likelihood, I will be writing essays tomorrow because I definitely did not get to it yet today.

There is nothing better than coming up with words because your brain is misfiring and can't think of the word(s) you actually wanted to use. There is also nothing better than annoying people with using non-words like 'unthaw' and 'irregardless' and 'inflamable'. I like annoying people. Sometimes I even intentionally use bad grammar to annoying people. 

Oh, and the other thing that I really like is how I know people who are reading this are probably hearing me in their head. I kinda like being inside your head right now. You had no idea I was so creepy did you? Is it more creepy that I just said that, or that you just heard me say that in your head...am I still in your head? Now you'll just have to keep reading to see what it is I'm going to say next. 

Turns out this is not a cure for writers block, but a stream of consciousness exercise that is running through both your head and mine as you read the words on the screen. (Lapse in typing, check out some links, reads grants blog about foursome gone wrong)

Writers block is the worst. Clearly, my fingers are functioning, and coming up with thoughts and words, but to make those thought at all relevant to the A I would like to get, that is the problem. 

What have I attempted to cure it with so far? Well, I practiced music and blew on a wooden recorder for an hour. Then I made some apple crisp. Then I played some rock band. Well obviously I'm trying this with the idea that any writing is better than no writing, although by this point you're probably thinking....'Really, not so much, this is pretty lame' I bet I made you laugh though. 

(Lapse, thinking, what else have I done today?) Oh, well I checked out facebook. That's pretty standard. I read the news. Didn't inspire me much, though the idea of finding Atlantis made me want to go on vacation...mmm vacation.

I recently decided that since I lack the funds to go places I want to go, all the liquor I buy will be indicative of the places I wish to be. Last night, I travelled to France and England. France was an organic experience, and Specifically I travelled to Newcastle England, which I later learned was not Newcastle, but some other place. . . This proved very entertaining for me as my roommate who does not follow the same plan ended up with beer that tasted like his wife, dirt and honey. Apparently it tasted non-existent? 

I hope I don't start to suffer from bloggers block, if there is indeed such a thing. That would be painful and clearly not conducive to my academic career which relies on blogging to cure writers block. I wonder if its working yet (ponders, then decides blog is done, makes mental note on beginning of essay, sighs, then grins "success")

Interesting facts you might not know

Clearly they are about me.

I figure its time you were in touch with what makes me tick. So I'm about to delve into the deep dark secrets of my life. (Probably not the juicy ones though)

My dad is accident prone. He has been hit by lightning twice. Apparently that hurts. He also got blood poisoning from a pig that bit him while he was trying to fix the water spout thingy in the pen. One time, he was holding an electric fence gate and a cow ran over it and the hook from the gate jammed into his hand (it happened to miss all the tendons, but was still a live wire). He got malaria from a mosquito in the Winnipeg air port, spent most of my child hood Christmases in the hospital, once from some weird thing with 7Th nerve. He has that same face thing as Jean Chretien, but no where near as severe, in fact, you can only tell when its really cold and he gets frostbite. He has had more nails through his foot than he has toes.

My brother has had more rabbis shots than most dogs get in their lives. Once was cuz he thought he was drowning out a gopher, but it was a skunk, then he tomahawk chopped it movie style and had to get the shots cuz they couldn't autopsy the skunk. The provincial vet knows him by name.

My mom, she likes to preach. The fact that I asked for a bible to write an essay freaked her out. . . She's very sweet, and funny. I look like here, but I'm really not at all like her in most ways.

On to me. That first part was mostly so I didn't sound so damn self absorbed.

I have a stuffed bear. I have had him since before I was born. He was a shower present, and his name is To-to. Some nice old lady made him. Sometimes I still sleep with him if I'm having bad dreams, or I'm lonely. I also used to suck my thumb. I don't do that anymore. I had a fisher price bunny too. It was pink. He didn't have a name. My mom and dad had to get rid of him when I was sick, or I lost him somewhere, I don't remember. But they got me a new one cuz I cried non-stop until they did.

I was a sick kid. I had tonsillitis and was in the hospital more times than I can count. I am also extremely intolerant to antibiotics and severely allergic to penicillin and sulfa drugs or even sulphites in food. This is the reason I wear a medical alert bracelet. I also had scarlet fever.

I had a math teacher that also taught my dad, my uncle and my brother. He was pretty cool and from England. I have an odd fascination with England. I kinda want to live there. I also have a fascination with France. I need to be in France right now.

I am generally dripping with sarcasm, for those of you who have not figured out why, let me enlighten you. I do not like to be hurt, and I hide behind humour. I am incredibly self-conscious and shy and awkward. Most of you are probably thinking wtf? but I assure you, I am freaking out in my head most of the time. I require people to be blunt and very, very straight forward with me because I am afraid of being hurt. I will not be offended by bluntness. I play games, but I want 'you' to let me win and then submit to everything I want.

I like stickers, and my mom's dog. I love my mom's dog in fact. Dogs are so much better than people some days, and she is incredibly warm, and I wish she could sleep in my bed every night and not be two hours away. (the dog, not my mom)

Sometimes I dream about dead people and it freaks me out. A lot. That's usually the reason I end up sleeping with the stuffed bear.

I was married. It was a mistake and people got hurt. I probably hurt him, in fact, I know I hurt him. While I feel bad about hurting him, he really didn't give me any other option. I had to make a choice for myself, and I have never held a grudge against him. I am sorry for all the friends I lost over it, but I had to make the right choice for me. I will probably never mend all the bridges and relationships that got damaged, and that truly bothers me. 

I really, really want to believe that love is still out there for me. As Corny and cheesy as I may come off right now, I want to believe that someone out there is as corny and cheesy as me and will someday find me, or at least not be shy. I'm open to anyone sane, or even remotely sane, who knows lots of stupid random facts and is sociable and I can take home. Grant and Amy make me believe this is possible, as much as they are moushy and cheesy to the max, they give me hope.

Okay on that note, confession. I like older men. I do not have a daddy complex. My family upbringing was quite normal and average and not fucked up at all. I just have this thing for well educated, slightly older, debonair, suave, funny, men. I also like the quiet ones. Oh and by slightly older I mean between 10 and 20 years older than me. I am also not a gold digger. Of all the relationships I've ever had the ones with more 'mature' sensible men have been the best. They somehow allowed me to be independent, and since i don't like being suffocated, this works quite well. The attraction is not purely intellectual however, I quite like salt and pepper hair. I think it looks quite sexy. (Jake are you puking yet?) Did I say I like them sarcastic and funny? Probably. 

I have insane stage fright, I think it goes with the self conscious thing. I am really trying to get over it. Even talking in a class is sometimes freaky for me. My mind often goes blank. No Jake, not because I'm attracted to the teacher. . . although. . . :P.

One last thing, I like hugs. I'm a hugging person. Oh and I can keep secrets really well. Someday I want someone to know all my secrets though. Maybe it will be the next person who hugs me. Oh random other fact, I'm dyslexic, but only when I'm tired.

The happiest place on . . .

I just found the happiest place on earth. Wait scratch that. The happiest place on the internets.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/jonah/the-happiest-page-on-the-internet

I like it. Y'all can call me cheesy, and for those of you who know me, occassionally i do break out into a deep south accent. Mostly after a few too many shots of rum.

Medieval jazz fusion. Also very close to the happiest place on earth. Seriously though, not only is it a fantastic idea, its also probably closer to what it sounded like at the time. Tudors rocked it hard core to ya know. Party like is 1099? No??

I think in anycase, they did dance, secular music for sure, had to have rhythm and feeling. None of this up-tight suit and tie, omg, i'm holding a contrabass recorder shit. Dance with the god damned thing! I think, medieval music, especially secular, was all about the being way to drunk in the hall, dancing and shmoozing around. Getting pie-eyed and confessing your love to that lovely lady in a dress to big to approach her in. It was fun, loose, and full of life and vigor. Most importantly it was full of rhythm. 

Music students, can't dance. I may have just let out the secret of the century there. Its okay though, no one reads this. So, in the spirit of dance and song and wine, the piece that I composed for this year's medieval concert, it has rhythm and dance, and I will make those music students losen up their hips and feel the music - and the love. . . Well, just the love that I have for medieval music probably. Anything else would be creepy

How to Capture my soul in 10 easy steps

Whether you call it Singles Awareness Day, or Valentines day matters not. Whether I have been single or with someone has not mattered either. It never lives up to my expectations. Having said that, my expectations are generally higher than most people and I tend to be relatively hard on myself compared to the rest of the population. I think.

All the years I have been old enough to remember valentines day have disappointed me. Unfortunately this blog doesn't end in a happy ending, or even a shmoozy one. 

I was that kid in class who always got valentines cards from everyone. Even in grade three, I understood the meaning behind the words, and questioned why people always seemed to give me the "friend" valentines and not the "i like you, tee hee" valentines. To put this in context, in grade 3 I read Robinson Crusoe, and The Swiss Family Robinson. I also had my grandma read me Shakespeare, and I read Byron, Keats and Browning (they were her favorite poets). By grade six I was checking books out of the BU library, and reading the history of The Tudors, Mary Queen of Scots etc. By grade eight I had exhausted what was interesting to me in history from the BU library, and started reading Nietzsche and Dante. I also read Paradise Lost in grade eight. So essentially the point is, I might have been at a higher reading level and while classmates chose Valentines cards randomly, I was analysing their choices.

My first boyfriend (who yes, I did meet him at band camp) was ummm, perhaps not stable is the best way to describe him. However, he celebrated love every day of the year except Valentines Day. He used to write me songs, and I remember breaking up with him on Halloween and burning everything he or I had ever written and throwing it down a waterfall. In any case, out of principle he didn't celebrate, so I missed out on the sentimental Valentines Day during my teen years. 

The guy I married, well he was just cheap. End of story.

Since then, well there was the mistress situation. That killed valentines. Being alone, kinda takes the fun out of it. There was one year when I was managing a restaurant we had "loser Valentines Day" Drank the lounge dry with 2 other managers, (the bill which he covered was for 27 beers each). We literally drank all the beer the lounge had on hand. Then we ended up at Houstons, I remember having 6 beer. I know I had more than that . . . I also ended up strangling the guy that paid for all the beer in the Women's washroom at Houstons that night. Then I took a cab home. 

This Valentines Day, well, its not a disaster I suppose. Clearly its not great, cuz I'm blogging. Watching the Omen was entertaining. I think I'll go for The Birds next. 

Why does it never live up to what I want. Probably because I'm a hopeless romantic (shhh don't tell :P). Someday, someone should surprise me, sweep me off their feet, and display some grand gesture of love. I don't need expensive, though I am super jealous of the diamond rings that Cody gave Kristy. . 

So, if I have any mystery admirers, or hell, even creepers - you can't be much worse than what I've already encountered. Trust me. Here's your one step guide to capturing my heart and mind.

1. Poetry is cool, I am a nerd.

2. Be discrete, I get embarrassed easily, but love attention.

3. Be romantic, in the cheesy chivalric sense of the word (This reminds me I have to write an essay. Boo.)

4. I am really eccentric and strange some days. It doesn't mean that I don't want to be loved too. :(

5. Don't do music. I'm anal retentive about music. Unless it happens to be super cheesy and like on some strange medieval instrument and self composed. Then I'll be won over instantly.

6. Dote on me, hug me. I like hugs. Hugs make me not sad.

7. For Christ's sake, be freaking blunt. I'm not generally thinking on any level common to anyone. Who ever you may be, you'll have to be blunt. As in "I'm interested in you, in a hump your leg kinda of way." conversely, "I'm interested in you and can't stop thinking about you." or "If I kiss you, will you run away?" are also acceptable. 

8. I like dancing, I'm not good at it, but I like it, and I don't care whether you are good at it either.

9. I am sensitive. I over analyze and sometimes I tire of the games people play. I think the whole flirting game and whatever is so much more fun after someone has the guts to approach the other person. Don't keep me waiting.

10. While I am still waiting for someone to swoop me off my feet, I am realistic. You probably aren't reading this. However, if you are, I'm going to chalk it up to divine intervention. 

This one's for you

I realized this week, that I am not as young as I thought I was. Seriously, I can't add apparently and was off by two years. So to anyone who's asked me how old I am in the last year, add two years please. :(

A wave of, "What am I on crack?" was my first thought at this discovery, and while I may still party hard - admittedly less often and not so much with the all night anymore - that whole age creeping up on you thing is a little freaky. 

The later (not the crack) is the more important part. Mostly I just had to throw in the crack for Jake. Also, for being a post about getting old, this sure has a lot of crack in it. I'm not on crack if anyone cares. Its not organic.

The entire week has led me to the conclusion that I am more middle aged than ever. Those years of crazy music student are fading, and I am becoming responsible. 

Proof 1: It was a little weird for me to see students I tutor or mark at the bar. Then it was even more surreal to realize that they are all younger than my brother.  My brother is clearly the youngest person in the world. He quit aging at about 12 in my mind. Needless to say, he is the more "well-adjusted" one, and has a house, farmland and girlfriend. He has become the epitome of responsibility and sure makes me look like ummm, well a crazy hippie, most days.

Proof 2: When the kid you baby sat when you were 12, gets married. Lil bit weird. When the same kid is pregnant and going to have a baby (redundancy is allowed this early in the day), that's even more étrange. 

Proof 3: When everyone else in the bar thinks that the songs are all new, but they're really just covers of songs that came out in the 70's and 80's. When you then realize the bar is a pub, you are pretty much the same age as the guys in the band. Then to top it all off, you're closer in age to the parents of the guy who is having a birthday, not the guy who is having the birthday. Oh, actually this gets even worse. The person that you're sitting with at the bar, he might be the conductor, but you have much more in common with him than any of the students. 

Proof 4: While at said bar, you can reminisce about 99 and how the school has gone down hill since then. Oh and when you both remember teachers that have retired, three deans and then go on an academic rant about how jazz today is really just a new form of medieval music. (It really is. I will write about that later.)

Proof 5: When the bar/pub no longer has a problem with giving you a tab. Not because you're there every night, but because you're "old" and not a "flight risk". 

Proof 6: Any number of list of health/sleep related things. Can't drink coffee after 7, unless you want to be up all night. Are tired at 9pm, then can't sleep until 2am, then wake up at 7am and cant' go back to sleep. Need to have an afternoon nap. Most weird when you go home to see your parents and both you and your dad fall asleep in chairs after lunch.

So enough of the whining about being old. The point is, I like being old. Getting old is almost exciting in some twisted eccentric way.  I haven't figured out why yet. I'll let you know. It probably has something to do with medieval/jazz fusion.

The real deal

So, I did the 25 things on facecrack. Now you get the real 25 things. (There are probably only 20, i'm pretty tired.)

The other things are all real, just not necessarily telling of who I am.

This post is intended to trip you up in real life. I'm sneaky like that.

1. I sleep naked. The only time I haven't slept naked was when I live with Jake, and then it was becuase the cat slept with me, not necessarily because Jake was there. I once had a 20 minute conversation with dave while he was standing in the door of my bedroom. I was naked, he didn't realize it.

2. I have done more drugs than most people think/realize. However, I stick to organic except for the one time with the duck and being slipped acid. That is why I stick to organic. I'm all about the mind altering.

3. I know your reading this Uncle Bill. . . So here's one for you. I love Harley's, almost as much as I like older men. Give me an older man who is academically talented and willing to learn to ride a Harley, and I might even consider getting married again.

4. Being married was a huge cluster-fuck. It may have messed me up for quite a while. The only thing I miss about being married is falling asleep beside someone. However, I do not miss him, or even falling asleep with him or sharing a bed with him. I just miss the body. I'm waiting for a better one to show up.

5. I am really freekn supersitious and anal retentive. The glasses are stacked in ascending size, and three to a row and all like kinds together. The plates are similar. There are only certain things allowed on the table and coffee table.

6. I am nice, sometimes. I appease my roommate by not brewing coffee in the morning because he hates the smell so much.

7. I know far, far to many daves. I have slept with 50% of the daves I know. You know who you are, I havn't really been satisfied with any of them yet. I'm waiting for the perfect one to come along and prove to me all dave's aren't asses.

8. I really really wonder who is reading this. Its the whole reason I'm reading this.

9. I think people don't get me. I don't even try anymore to make people understand. In the grand scheme of life it doesn't matter anyways.

10. Someday I want children. I think I will adopt. 

11. I want a tatoo of St. Brigid. 

12. I am a kind person, I will do almost anything for my friends. I don't often ask for favours in return. I believe that when I need them my friends will be there for me becuase I was there for them.

13. I am most definately in love with my mom's dog. I love animals in general. Sometimes, I wonder just how much they understand. I talk to my mom's dog and my cat like they're people. 

14. I practice both meditation and witchcraft. I require something to balance my life. I do not do it out of a religious belief, rather I do it to learn and grow within myself. I had parents who had very differing views of religion and life and I believe that it was this dualistic lifestyle that has made me become the accepting person I am today.

15. I believe all faith is held to comfort oneself and explain the world around us. I am not a very faith based person. I think that explanations are not useful, but spending time wisely and living how I want to live now is more important.

16. I really am writing a sitcom. You people have no idea how much fodder you give me on a daily basis.

17. I don't say no very often. Once I said no and he didn't listen. I reserve saying no for times when impending doom, or hurting another is imminent. I believe very strongly that saying no a lot denies people of experiences that would have made them richer. 

Has this worked in the past? Very much so. Has it had consequences? Yes. . . I have been involved with the wrong people and made choices that were dangerous. No one ever got hurt and that is what is important.

18. I know astrology doesn't pan out scientifically, but I like it. I like it a lot. I don't care. I even write horoscopes for the quill. Astrology is fun as fuck.

19. My feet are size 4. I can still buy kids shoes.

20. I do not get tired of sex. There is no such thing as too much. That doesn't mean I want it all the time either. It means I am one of those people who can be convinced to stay in bed all day, cook breakfast and have it in bed, nap and have him in bed. Ignore homework and work and have him in bed. I am also romantic by nature and like being swept off my feet (proverbally).

21. I am deathly afraid of bridges over water. I close my eyes when I'm driving over them. It freaks me out more if there is on coming traffic on a bridge and I have to meet it. I was stopped on the bridge on 18th street and got rear ended last fall. I had been afraid of bridges ever since I was little. Specifically over water. Sometimes I wonder what past lives I've had.

22. Everyone says I have an old soul. If I have been around for so long, I'd like to think I was first born in the Roman era, or even Grecan. Then reincarnated just in time for the crusades, in Paris for the revolution and a beatnick in the 1930's. 

23. I have dreams before people die. Once or twice they have come to me after they've died too. Thinking about my Grandpa still makes me cry.

24. I want to find love. I want to share my life with someone and I secretly hope he's reading this right now. (Don't worry Jake, its not you. :P)

25. I am not going out with Kusnick. He is my roommate and my co-worker and the Will of my will and grace. We are the closest thing to siblings that two people can be with out being siblings. We have no desire to jump eachothers bones. Just so we're clear.

26. I have broken all the rules at least once. I'd like to break some more. I'll even be naughty to do so.

Respond via email if you read it and your not subscribing. Or Facebook inbox. I may say "I knew it."

Lil bit of a rant on the number 25

Okay, so at first the whole 25 things about me on Facebook chain letter. That was lame.

I held out for what was a decent amount of time. Then couldn't sleep one night and decided 3am was an appropriate time to begin writing. I will be the first to admit that people learned exactly what I wanted them to learn about me. 

I will also admit, I am entertained by some of my friends responses. I was especially entertained by the people who filled it out drunk. I suppose it is one of the least inflamatory things you can do on drunk facebook. 

I like my facecrack as much as anyone else. I still find it weird when people say they've read something, or comment on it 30 seconds after I post it. Wait 2 minutes. Better yet, wait until I change facecrack chat to be off line, while I'm looking at everyone else's page, and then post whatever it is. 

I'll read it and I'll comment on it or drop hints later. 

This post, its here for the entire purpose of revealing who is reading my blog and is also on facebook, but not 'man' enough to follow my blog.

Collective Controversy on Campus

The Annual General Meeting (AGM) held by Brandon University Students’ Union (BUSU) on January 27th, 2009 presented a controversy on campus related to a possible new Men’s Collective. 

Will Breen, former Science Commissioner for BUSU council, proposed both the formation of a Men’s Collective as well as a position of Men’s Commissioner on BUSU council. 

While speaking as the motivator, Breen addressed the issue of discrimination against men on campus, stating, “We have a case where the male population of students, 30%, is not only under-represented, they are un-represented on campus as a result of motions just passed at the AGM. 

Men are the only group that are specifically excluded from a liaison relationship with BUSU council.” 

Part of Breen’s original motion was ruled out of order, as the establishment of Collectives is not dealt with at an AGM, but debate continued over the establishment of a Men’s Commissioner on BUSU council. 
Lonnie Patterson and Kylie Stasila were among student voices debating against the creation of the position. Paterson stated that while she was not against the idea of a Men’s commissioner, she still had some reservations. “I’m not clear, just based on the motivation and the motion that occurred, what sort of men’s issues this will cover.” 

Patterson went on to say, 
“We need to see a bit of ground work, first, before a commissioner position is created.” Her comments concluded with support for the notion, but not the motion as it stood before the AGM of January 27th, 2009. 

Kylie Stasila, the Women’s Commissioner on BUSU council, as well as an active member of the campus Women’s Collective, added to Paterson’s comments: “If men do feel they are being discriminated against, come talk to BUSU…. Why wasn’t this issue brought forward before today?...Why not make a motion instead to have a Gender Equality Commissioner?” 

During her speech against the motion, Stasila also pointed out the imbalance in male as compared to female faculty members and stated that while there may only be 30% male students on campus, male faculty numbers still far outweigh female faculty members. 

The final debate for the motion was given by Mitch Obach, who responded to Mike Jack’s, VP Finance assertion that there was no need for a collective as “I have never felt under-represented or discriminated against…. If you guys wanna drink beer and hangout and play poker, we do that all day already.” Obach retorted, “I think this kind of attitude is exactly what a Men’s Commissioner would be against.” 

During the debate, a motion to table the issue was brought forward by BUSU president Stephen Montague and was defeated. 

Stress, and oh yeah, beer solves writers block. At least for today.

Stress is the most undesirable of all feelings. 

I would rather have a broken heart, be angry, or sad and lonely. I do not, in fact, mind being any of these thing, but I dislike stress. 

I do not know how to deal with high stress. It causes me to turn to various crutches and bad habits instead of deal with the underlying issue, no matter how simple or straighforward it may seem to others. 

Do I have time for a 'romantic' life? Hell no. Do I even have time most days for a casual relationship? No a chance. Am I seeing someone now you may wonder. . . why yes. Not that often. His name is Chris, I used to work with him. He is not fictional, as many of you have suggested, but seriously, when would the rest of you ever get to see him with me? I see him at the times when normal people are sleeping because those are the only free spots I have left.

Why am I not sleeping. I'm a huge insomniac.

I am writing this blog because I am stressed. I am writing compuslively so that I can somehow expell the stress deamon. It is not working. I am so tired and stressed I have no coping mechanisms left. 

As many of you know, I do many things. As part of this rant I am going to explain Monday through Friday to you.

Monday - up by 8 at The Quill by 9, class at 1030, get mail on way to class, back to quill at 1130, to studio at 12 to practice, rehersal at 1240, class at 140, back to quill at 3, work at coffee shop at 9, hope its not busy so i can get some reading done, walk home around 915. Do home work/write music until I fall asleep in a pile of books.

Tuesday up at 8 quill by nine, quill all day, tutoring occassionally, come home for super at 6 maybe, if not busy, class at seven, walk home after 10 when class is done. Do home work/write music until i fall asleep in a pile of books. Side note, History Club is at 1240. It is the one thing I do that is 'social' and that I enjoy. It makes me sad I can never go see the movies. :(.

Wednesday - up at 8 to quill by 9, class at 1030, get mail on way to class, back to quill at 1130, read case for class, work at quill, class at 140, back to quill at 3, work at coffee shop at 4 walk home at 915, Do home work/wirte music until I fall asleep in a pile of books.

Thursday - up at 8, to quill by 9, work at quill in am, class at 130, back to quill at 430, meeting and or production day, class at 6, back to quill at 9, if production. Home sometimes by 11, usually much later, aka 3am or so. Do home work/write music until I fall asleep in a pile of books.

Friday - up at 8 to quill by 9, class at 1030, back to quill at 1130, studio at 1230, tutor at 100, rehersal at 240, back to quill at 340, meeting/end day. go home by 6, probably for get to get stuff off the S drive at school, walk back to school, go to library, get books for whatever i need at the time, come back home. Drink. Read/do home work/write music until I fall asleep in a pile of books.

Sat/Sunday - attempt to sleep. Do all homework, mark for course if necessary. If marking for course, allocate at least 25 hours on the weekend to do so. 

Is there a solution to this? Why do I do it?

I will explain the latter first. I do so many things because I cannot shut my brain off. I might as well be doing something useful. Is that a cop out yes. Am I a horribly flawed person, yes. Those of you who know anything about my past may have ideas why. Keep them to yourself. 

Is there a solution?

Not one that I am willing to deal with right now. 

Guess I stay stressed for now. Eventually it will even out. Karma loves me.

Horoscopes. Choose your own. . .

Horoscopes

 

1.New paths will emerge for you and the choices will not be obvious. When what seems to be the obvious choice presents itself to you be wary that what seems obvious or easy is not always the best choice.

2.Dimly light rooms and an air of mystery surround you. A romantic evening may be in your future. Watch for signs of interest, and give into that desire to be wooed for once.

3.Money is not easy to come by in the future. Make changes to your lifestyle now to avoid hardships in the future.

4.Dreams of love, comfort and pleasure haunt your sleep. While they may be nightmares now, something will change soon so that you can enjoy these things as much as the rest of us.

5.The incessant plodding of everyday life will get you down. Try new things, and start doing the things you tell yourself you don’t have time for.  Time is a fluctuating phenomenon that can be managed.

6.School work plagues you even at the beginning of the term. You will begin to feel like a sinking ship, but remember that you have been given lifesaving lessons and can swim to shore at anytime.

7.Big decisions are in the future. Say yes now, or wait until there is more information available. Remember that the choices you make now will affect not only you, but the people around you.

8.Love is hidden and mysterious in the future. Awareness of your surroundings is key to hearing and seeing what the person who loves you really means.

9.Whether you live alone or with roommates, those you are closest to in proximity are having bad days as of late. While it is easy to ignore or snap back at them, remember that you have to deal with them on an ongoing basis and they are not going away.

10.The future holds great ideas for you. You will be met with disbelief that your ideas are valid, but remember to keep going. Eventually you will gather a following and they will see your side of the story.

11.Work will be frustrating for you. If it is time for a new job, start looking now while the term is still new. If you think you can tough it out, then realize that staying is a choice.

12.Do not under estimate the power of persuasion. You may think that she or he is not interested, but perhaps they are just shy. Be blunt if necessary and your actions may] be rewarded.

The media industry

News is everywhere, in every form imaginable. The world is deluged everyday with information on everything imaginable. Or is it? Who decides what is ‘news’, what people will read and how to sell it to an audience? A further analysis of any major news/media corporation reveals that they all have a plan, they all market to an audience, and they all make money.

In Canada CanWest Global is the conglomerate which produces your daily news. It owns, or operates many sectors including publishing companies including newspapers, Canadian Television and CW Media, and Australian television. A brief look at their website shows a company history which did what many others did in the last 10 years. Buy everything on the market and more. Can West is held by the Asper family. Not only does the Asper family bring you your news via Global, it also owns the National Post, many metropolitan newspapers, 21 weekly newspapers and 7 shopping guides.

Looking at the National Post web page, reveals a link to the corporate policies of CTVGlobe Media. Just like any other major corporation, CTV has a mission statement, goals and objectives. Most of these statements are similar to many other corporations, and read mundanely to comply with the business laws of Canada and conduct oneself with honesty and integrity. Another statement reads “foster a work environment based on trust and respect for all stakeholders of the CTVglobemedia community”. While ambiguous in nature, it does state that the stakeholders in the company are to be respected, and foster an agreement of trust. Underlying our daily news is a corporation, one that wants to make money and one that values high ethical standards and morality at all times.

 

Do they actually make money? Can West Media reports that revenues went up 2% last quarter, and although they lost money, it was due to holdings that were waiting on CRTC approval. So even in an economic downturn, they are still generating revenue through advertising and investments.

 

At a recent conference a speaker presented the idea that no news source is unbiased. Not only did he state that, he also suggested while no one is without bias, that doesn’t mean that the news is invalid. What the Editor of Planet S suggested was that readers need to be aware of who owns their daily news source, the television station, and web page that we get our news from. While the National Post and every other Newspaper or news media source out there have a myriad of writers working for them. The reader should remember that they are working for that company unless they are freelancers. By choosing to work and get paid by the National Post or any other company, employees follow Codes of Conduct and agree with or conform to the standards of the owners of that company.

 

The front page of the National Post may not make it obvious that it is owned by a news conglomerate, but in tiny type at the bottom of all their pages is a link to CTVGlobe Media, or another subsidiary of that company that owns them.

 

The news business is not unlike any other major business thriving or struggling today. It has a CEO, managers, employees and stockholders. This affects the content of the news that you see certainly. If an unbiased view is important to you, check out one of the other new sources. By glancing at a number of different outlets, diving into a sea of good and bad information, the whole picture eventually emerges. Every story has two sides or more, and most media outlets portray only one. While it is not a crime to portray only one opinion, readers, news savvy or not, should be aware of the fact that other opinions exist and money underlies every news source.

When "Are you gonna be around tonight?" means "Get the Hell out"

All the time. (the one true blanket statement i've ever made)

Doesn't matter if its me stating the question, or having it posed to me.

Roommates don't actually want you home for any reason, or require to see you or spend quality time together anymore than usual with you.

"Are you gonna be around tonight?" 

"I make no guarantees."

If you need clarity on what that means, it means:

"Are you gonna be around tonight, I'd like to screw some chick/guy"

"Are you gonna be around tonight, I'm sick of your face and I want to watch something I want to watch on TV."

"Are you gonna be around tonight, I want someone to cook for me cuz i'm a lazy ass."

It means everything except:

"Are you gonna be around tonight, I really like spending quality time with you watching some random Car show/Grey's anatomy. I miss you and I want to spend more time with you :(."

Sitcoming

Occassionally, every once in a while, I have a fantastic idea that would be the next great sitcom. Sometimes I even write it down. Once I actually got serious came up with a plot, charactars, did a few episodes, concentrating on the pilot, and had 50 or so pages of sitcom goodliness.

Then the computer crashed. I took it as a sign that I should not write things down. When warned about saving all the time, I reply and normally I do, but those 50 pages were cathartic in nature and over the span of 12 hours. I was planning on saving right before I went to bed - at 9am. The computer crashed at 8:37.

Long story short, the file was corrupt when i finally got the computer going again, and my laptop decided that freeing every 4 hours 37 minutes and 22 second was appropriate revenge. I know this because everytime I started the laptop, the time was 1pm and its froze at 4:37:22. 

So this sitcom. I've been told my life is humourous. I have certainly found it laughable at certain conjectures of my life, but would every one else? Would I really want something based on my Three's Company/Seinfeld twisted existance in the world to be all over TV or the internet? 

Apparently becuase I'm writing this blog. 

If anyone knows where the plug for my bathtub is . . . . or perhaps where you keep KD that's not the fridge?

Blanket Statements

I have been known to make blanket statements. In fact I relish in them. While they are generally said in jest, or frustration. I am using this post to take back every blanket statement I have ever made.

Rationale: I realize statistically, that the chances of say "All men being asses." are highly improbable. Even following a bell curve would suggest that plus or minus one standard deviation accounts for 66ish percent, not 100%. 

Thats as far as I go mathmatically, and I have taken 4 stats courses. Its not my strong point. I needed four courses just to understand it. 

Other common blanket statements I take back "Sex cures everything." Though that one I have no proof against. I am smart enough to admit that it may in some instances cause problems as well as fix them.

Among the worse blanket statements I've made. Varriations of the above are now absolved through the internets and my pennance has been paid. . . for now. I suppose until I make another blanket statement.

On almost dying every day twice a day crossing 18th Street

Is it really that hard to stop for pedestrians? Has the world sped up so much that making the next red light is more important than than not killing someone?

Crossing 18th and Lorne every day, at least twice a day has its dangers. Specifically, drivers who are either not looking, don't care, or are going too fast to stop. Then there's the added danger of the car in one lane stopping, but not the car in the lane beside it. 

I get that Semi's may not have time to stop. I still look both ways more than once, even though I as a pedestrian have the right of way. I guess if I wanted to play hard-ball I'd just stick my foot out and take my chances. However, I value my feet, and do not wish to have another broken ankle. 

I can think of two incidents since September where someone was injured at this specific cross walk. The last one involved hitting the pedestrian, then hitting the pedestrian crossing sign. . . 

Why can't people leave for work five minutes earlier, just incase, they might have to stop at a pedestrian cross walk they know is going to be busy?